


Forget-Me-Not

by tinyjoong



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Coughing, Florists, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mild Blood, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Vomiting, hanahaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 07:05:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16259129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyjoong/pseuds/tinyjoong
Summary: “Loving you has decorated my insides with flowers. I am in love with you now, I will be in love with you for eternity. Forget me not, Lee Jeno.”Jeno’s hands shook as his tears fell onto the paper. He caressed the heart scribbled on the bottom of the page.“I won’t forget, Renjun.”-In which Renjun has loved his best friend Jeno since childhood. They are now in college and Renjun has never particularly had to think about what it means to love someone to death until one Sunday morning when petals start to crawl up his esophagus.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Before you read: Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals.

‘The universe is cruel’ was Renjun’s first thought after being hunched over the toilet bowl coughing out the first few petals of many to come. 

He’d just woke up on the seemingly peaceful Sunday morning and was groggily making his way to the kitchen for a cup of tea when it hit him. The coughing started as a mere tickle in the center of his chest and crawled up his throat. For a few seconds, he genuinely thought he was dying. The object that had been slowly creeping up his throat was blocking his airway. After several dry coughs later, the first silky, white petal drifted from his mouth and was surrounded by ripples when it drifted into his brewing cup of tea. He didn’t have time to panic about how absolutely crazy it was that flowers were spilling from his throat, the only thought he had was to get to the bathroom. The petals didn’t stop coming and he could feel his throat getting more raw with every second as he crumbled on the floor next to the toilet.

The choking coughs came to an end after fifteen petals escaped his body. After inspecting the color and shape of the petals, Renjun, a florist of many years, concluded they were gardenia petals. Gardenias symbolized secret love and Renjun didn’t really have to ponder who his secret love was. The boy with the lovely eye smile crossed his mind briefly before the next thought crossed his mind. ‘The world is cruel’. How could the universe turn his one passion in the world into an absolute curse? 

He spent a fair amount of time after the petals were finished spilling from his heart catching his breath. He rested his head against the wall behind him and closed his eyes. He knew this was the beginning of the end. Even through the unbearable pain of the petals coming up, Renjun never once thought of removing the soul-crushing disease. Though Jeno would most likely never love him back, he’d never remove the memories of loving him that were so close to his heart. His eyes swelled with tears and he gave in to the urge to let them fall. So, there he was. Crumpled on the bathroom floor, feeling everything and nothing at once. 

Once the tears slowed and he was ready to face the day, he opened his eyes and stood up in the small cubicle that he called his bathroom. He couldn’t help but find a bittersweet beauty in the petals that decorated the room like a scatter plot. He bent over and gathered the petals that escaped the toilet bowl and littered the floor. While holding them in his hand, he felt a pang of sadness in his chest. An idea popped into his head while he stood staring at the tiny mountain of petals in his hand. He decided he wanted to save the petals. He exited the bathroom and rummaged through his cabinets to find a glass jar he could put them in. Once he let the petals fall into the small jar, he placed the cap back on and set it on the bookshelf in his room. 

-

Despite his undying desire to stay home and wallow in his sadness caused by the disease, Renjun had to go to work. Normally, he would enjoy the happiness of the people that came in and purchased flowers for their partners, but today there was a sharp feeling of bitterness in him. He caught himself frowning more often then not as he watched the customers stroll out of the door with a smile dancing on their lips. He felt guilty for not feeling his usual cheeriness but he couldn’t seem to push the heavy feeling off of his heart.

His last customer before closing made him feel especially bitter, though. He watched the broad-shouldered boy walk in the door and felt heat rush to his face as a grin spread across his face. 

“Jeno!” He exclaimed, running out from behind the counter to give his best friend (and secret love) a hug. 

Jeno stumbled backwards as Renjun pounced at him to wrap his arms around him. Once he gained his balance again he hugged the other boy back. 

“Hey! I don’t have a lot of time, my date is in 20 minutes,” Jeno stated.

Renjun’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion as he felt the almost-too-familiar feeling of jealousy strike him.

“A date? And you didn’t tell me?” Renjun questioned innocently. 

“Yeah, it’s with that guy I met in my math class. Jaemin,” Jeno answers, flashing his crescent moon eyes that are never _not_ accompanied by a smile. 

“Oh, I hope you have fun,” Renjun replies, plastering a surprisingly not fake smile on his face.

Renjun sincerely does hope Jeno has fun tonight and every night after this one. If Jeno didn’t want to be with him, he at least hoped the person he did want to be with made him happy. The disappointment he feels each time Jeno reports that he has another date with a boy that isn’t him has faded over time. The minuscule amount of sadness he still feels reminiscent of a sad song you’ve heard too many times. He’s had his heart broken so many times by Jeno and the boy in question had been oblivious each and every time.

After their mini conversation, Renjun assists Jeno in finding red tulips to bring to his date. Tulips were classic, red ones symbolized true love. Jeno started to reach into his pocket for his wallet, but Renjun interrupted saying it was on the house. After wrapping the flowers in plastic wrap, Renjun handed the bouquet of ruby red tulips to Jeno and wished him luck on his date. He watched Jeno walk away until he was far enough away to conclude that he wasn’t turning around before he let out the fit of coughs accompanied by petals that were begging to be released.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello it’s day 2 of the disease jwjdkw sorry for not updating I had marching band stuff but I hope you guys enjoy chapter 2 <3

Monday was far worse than Sunday. The flowers that came up ripped open the scabs that covered his throat like cobwebs and left him heaving over the toilet bowl. Renjun was slowly learning there was nothing beautiful about Hanahaki Disease. The burning sensation inside of his chest that followed up his throat like flames with gasoline was too much to handle. He crumpled onto the bathroom floor, tears silently meeting the ice cold tile.

Renjun missed his 8 A.M. math class that day. He’d stayed home scrubbing penny-sized drops of blood from his white bathroom floor while sobs racked his body. He gathered the trail of petals that went from his bedroom to the bathroom and left a new trail of tears in it’s place. He resisted the urge to crumple the delicate petals in his palm and bottled them up instead. They were Anemone petals and symbolized undying love. The soft purple color made him sick. 

For the first time ever, Renjun dreaded going to the flower shop. The sharp cold burned his cheeks as he walked to the front doors, keys jingling wrapped around his index finger. He quickly unlocked the door and walked into his used to be safe place. He didn’t feel safe there anymore. The thing that’d been torturing him for the past two days surrounded him like a swarm of bees after you kicked their hive. He felt out of place and he’d been sure that if the flowers were actually bees they’d have already attacked. The small boy took a deep breath and closed his eyes, hoping that once he opened them again he’d feel better. When he opened them it was still dark and he was still uncomfortable but now it was bearable. He made his way behind the counter and switched on the lights before shimmying out of his jacket. It was going to be a long day.

-

His inference was correct, today was a long day. Every single order he took felt like another stab at the fact that he loved his best friend and was dying because of it. But, at least today Jeno didn’t walk in asking for him to give him flowers for someone else.

Before walking out into the wall of coldness he knew he’d face when he opened the shop door, he flipped the open sign to closed and took one last look at the place that used to be home. He couldn’t help but feel like the world was turning it’s back on him. The shop becoming a negative place to him felt like something was dying insode of him. Like he’d suffered a loss but no one actually died. 

On his walk home he pondered how Jeno would remember him after his final week was over. Would he remember his smile or the way his face scrunched up when he laughed at one of Jeno’s immature ‘that’s what she said’ jokes? Or maybe the way he crinkled his nose up in disgust when Jeno nonchalantly let out burps while they binged netflix late at night. His feet seemed to drag on the sidewalk as he remembered their time together. The boy’s tired eyes began to fill with tears and his vision started to blur. The bright light of the stars melted into the deep blue of the night sky making them streaks of brilliant white light in what now looked like an ocean through his tears. He shamelessly let his tears flow as they wanted despite being in public, he was dying after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAA i’m crying qjwkskwo sorry if there’s any spelling or grammar errors i’m a poor 15 year old who doesn’t have any idea what grammar is


	3. Chapter 3

This morning was different from the others. Renjun woke with his throat still aching from the days before but today there was no petals blocking his airway. He sat up and rubbed the soft skin that encompassed the scabs on the inside. After stretching and checking his phone that had peacefully laid on his nightstand all night, he kicked the blankets off of him and headed to the kitchen. His feet made a light pitter-patter on the tile as he ventured to his destination. Finally there, he filled the kettle up with water and placed it on the stove to heat up. 

A familiar tone broke the silence of the brisk Tuesday morning. Renjun’s ringtone for Jeno. His lips turned up in delight as he clicked on the green answer button.

“H-“ 

The small noise was all he was able to make before he felt his throat go up in flames. The sensation instantly made his eyes water, tears threatening to fall. Forgetting Jeno was still on the other line, he dropped the phone from his ear and let it slip out of his grip and onto the floor. He needed water immediately. Renjun’s delicate hands shook as he twisted the handle labeled ‘cold’ all the way around. Not caring enough to get a cup, he ducked his head down and practically inhaled the water. 

The pain didn’t disappear, but once it was bearable, Renjun turned off the water and mentally sighed. He leaned back so that he was resting against the counter and closed his eyes. After a good 30 seconds in this position, his eyes snapped open as his mind returned to the other boy on the phone. He bent down and picked up the phone he spent way too much on the be dropping. Much to his surprise, the call was still going. He wasn’t about to try to use his voice again, so he hung up and sent Jeno a short text about him being ‘too sick to talk’. 

Although the was in perhaps the worst pain he’d ever felt, he needed to show up to his classes today. He silently made his way to the cursed place he called his bathroom and got ready for the day. Renjun was slightly antisocial at college, so he hoped no one would talk to him as usual. 

-

After Renjun had done his hair and got dressed, he wrapped the knitted scarf he got from his grandma around his neck and stepped out of the safety of his house. Even though he’d just been away from home yesterday, being outside felt strange after the events that’d happened recently. 

The short walk to campus was eerily silent, as Renjun was in too much pain to hum the usual sing-song tune he hummed everyday. He could hear every step he took as his shoes crunched the snow underneath him. 

Once at the humongous building in which his art program was located, he sighed. He wasn’t looking forward to learning about the new project that would add more stress into his now mess of a life.

He walked into the spacious classroom that always smelled like acrylic paint and plopped down on his usual stool. The murmur that was encased in the art studio was duller than Renjun’s other classes and he appreciated that. 

The soft hum of voices faded into silence when their professor appeared at the front of the studio. Renjun’s professor had the stereotypical art teacher look: grey hair, clothes with strange patterns on them, always wore a tattered beret. She was unique, though, despite whatever stereotype she looked like. Her eyes had a bright sparkle that let her passion shine through while she was teaching. Renjun had taken a liking to her.

The project being assigned was worth a lot of points but Renjun didn’t see the point, he’d be dead before the due date. 

-

Renjun dreaded going home. Everywhere he went in the small apartment felt like a reminder that he was dying. He’d have to go into the kitchen to make dinner and his mind would play the scene of him letting out horrifying noises as the first petals landed in his tea. If he had to go to the bathroom all he could think about was being hunched over the toilet with sobs racking his body. Existing was agony. 

The tiny apartment seemed more dismal when he unlocked the door and stepped inside. The living room that was usually illuminated by the bright sunlight was dim and the room was freezing. The weight in Renjun’s chest was heavier than before. It seemed like all of his emotions immigrated from his brain, or wherever emotions were stored, to his chest. He sluggishly removed his scarf and jacket and curled into a ball on the couch. He was waiting for tears to surface but they never did. Instead, he got an all too familiar tingle in his chest. He rolled onto the floor with a thud, he couldn’t be bothered to use his legs. He _crawled_ to the bathroom, dry heaving in anticipation.

The flowers that came up were still attached to their stems, and acting like a personal “fuck you” to Renjun, they had thorns too. The thorns of the ruby red roses aggressively reopened the scabs that had formed in his throat from the previous days and left a burn worse than fire. After he was done, Renjun collapsed onto the floor, the tile was like ice against his cheek. The tears that had refused to fall before, flowed like a waterfall now and made an ocean on the floor underneath him.


	4. Chapter 4

The bitter cold Renjun awakens to isn’t pleasant in the slightest. Also unpleasant, is the darkness that surrounds him. He wakes up dazed, not remembering where he’d fallen asleep the previous night. Or maybe his mind was subconsciously trying to save him from realizing how pathetic falling asleep on your bathroom floor is. He releases a large huff as he remembers the previous night’s events. Mindlessly, the boy extends his arms out beside him in search of his phone. After a short time he felt the ice cold glass that he was assuming was his phone. His delicate fingers felt around for the power button. Once found, he pressed the tiny button and squinted as the light semi-blinded him. 3:42 A.M. A wave of dizziness slaps him in the face and has his fingertips turning a violent white from gripping the counter so hard when he stands up. Once he regains his balance, he flicks the light on. 

Staring back at him was not his reflection. The boy in the mirror was a sickly white color with violently pigmented purple bags under his eyes. Nothing like the lively art student he used to be. With each day passing he was watching himself diminish. He was being consumed by the disease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry this is extremely short but i think the last part is after this <3


	5. Chapter 5

The seventh day of his disease had arrived. Renjun’s eyelids fluttered open and he immediately wanted to close them again. The ceiling above him had become a negative memory in the recent days. He’d spent the past two days helplessly lying in bed staring at it. Flower petals surrounded him. He didn’t have the energy to drag himself across the hall anymore, the flowers seemed to never stop overflowing his lungs and spilling out of his mouth. The emotions inside of him seemed to be on standby, they settled in his chest and pierced a hole through his heart but he never had to nerve to let a single tear fall from his eyes. He did this to himself. For a moment, he regretted letting the flowers make their home in him. He could’ve gotten them removed but it was far too late now. His veins had began to be replaced by thick stems that raised the delicate paper-like skin on Renjun’s arms. Flowers had began to grow from his fingertips and left dried blood at the base of the tiny forget-me-nots. He could feel death’s presence every time he took a breath. 

A new hope stemmed itself inside of Renjun when he remembered that he still had to write Jeno’s letter. The letter that would hopefully encompass all of the feelings he’d held in for so long. He wanted to tell Jeno the truth, even if it was quite literally the last thing he did.

So Renjun wrote.

-

**Two Days Later**  
**JENO’S POV**

With the death of his best friend, Jeno had been withering away. He sincerely wished Renjun would have told him. 

His initial reaction to the letter was confusion. He’d only glanced at the date on top and was put off by the whole letter. Why had Renjun sent him a letter in the middle of dying?

With a shaky intake of breath, Jeno read on.

_Dear Jeno,_  
_It’s me, Renjun. I’m assuming by the time you’re receiving this, I’m already gone._

_I love you, Jeno. I always have. From the day we met at that damn party. Our freshman year. The first party I’d ever been to. I remember you were like the focal point of a famous painting, through all the drunk college students and the blasting music, you shined the most. I remember how bad my hands shook when you intertwined our fingers and led me to the kitchen so we could hear each other. I remember our first kiss. Do you? On the balcony, you were wasted and my head was filled with clichés. I wanted a happy ending with you. And maybe I was dumb, but I was dumb in love. Everyday I spent with you was filled with happiness, the kind I don’t know how to explain other than it was the epitome of the color yellow. (I know, I know. “Renjun shut your cliché art student ass up.”) Even writing this, I’m laughing because I know how you’d react if you ever heard that cheesy line come out of my mouth. God I wish this hurt less. I don’t want you to feel guilty, though. Jeno, loving you has decorated my insides with flowers. I am in love with you now, I will be in love with you for eternity. Forget-me-not, Lee Jeno. (See what I did there ;) )_

_Love always,  
Renjun_

Jeno’s hands shook as his tears fell onto the paper. He caressed the heart scribbled on the bottom of the page.

“I won’t forget, Renjun.”


End file.
